Zoe's Story
by Hoverboard33219
Summary: Zoe Murphy is the younger sister of the drug-addicted Connor "The Freak" Murphy. Connor is avoided by her classmates, loved by their mother, and silently hated by her father, and most of all, her responsibility, whether she likes it or not. The only person who even tries to be understanding is socially awkward Evan Hansen. A Dear Evan Hansen fic, I will update regularly :)
1. Chapter 1: Watch it all Crash and Burn

_Tick tick tick tick tick…_

Zoe Murphy's alarm clock rang to the sound of chirping crickets. It annoyed the hell out of her, but was the only thing that could actually wake her up. Between constantly searching Connor's room and planning daring feats of incredible espionage and doing mundane things like homework, she had a busy life.

Zoe always woke up before Connor. It was her job to get his backpack ready and make her breakfast and make sure the car they used to get to school was full enough on gas and that Connor's homework was done and all his books were ready. So she really couldn't afford to be late.

Zoe got up silently just as she had always done. She had to be as quiet as possible (or AQAP) because Cynthia (Zoe's mother) didn't want anyone waking Connor up. Connor had to get his beauty sleep, Cynthia said.

 _And what about me?_ Zoe wanted to ask. _What about me, mom? Just because Connor's screwed up doesn't mean I have to be, right?_

Zoe hated Connor and felt she had every right to. It was his fault she'd never been on a date, his fault she'd never had time for more than one extracurricular, his fault she'd never been allowed to wake up after seven-fifteen in the morning on a weekday even though school was a two-minute drive or ten-minute walk and didn't start till 8:30. And if Connor hadn't done his homework, Zoe was expected to finish it for him or let him copy hers. Oh! And if Connor got busted for copying her work, while it was Connor who got in trouble at school, Larry (her dad) and Cynthia would yell at _her_ as if it were somehow her fault that Connor didn't do his work.

This morning was no different. The gas was low so Zoe drove to the gas station and bought some Pringles and gas. Then she saw he'd done his English homework but not his math or chemistry homework, and even though Connor was a senior and doing calculus and Zoe was a junior (and in the advanced math group, admittingly) she was expected to get him nothing less than straight A's. Then she fudged up some chemistry experiment and read Connor's pages and made perfect notes for him to finish her morning routine. Then she made herself some cereal and was just about to pour milk in when she found the carton was empty. Connor had finished the milk _again_.

 _I hate my life_ , Zoe thought, but she was resigned to the fact that it would always be like this. That when Connor broke a vase in his room and needed it to be cleaned up, he got to sleep in Zoe's room and Zoe had to sleep on the couch. There wasn't anything she could do about it and so why beat yourself up over something you have no control over? Everything in her life was open to Connor. It would always be this way and she'd never have something just for herself.

 _At least I have jazz band_ , she thought, but she knew it wasn't the same as a family who cared about her or a boyfriend or a life.

All she could do was wait.

* * *

The first day of school was at first a dream come true and then a nightmare. Zoe expected it this year, so it wasn't as bad, but it still sucked. People _actually_ hung out with her for a couple minutes until the remembered _The Freak_ was her brother. Spoiler alert: The Freak was Connor.

Suddenly a noise broke the quiet murmurs in the hall. She saw the two main guys: Connor and a boy she knew named Jared.

A quiet, awkward boy called Evan Hansen laughed nervously and Connor was screaming at him.

"YOU THINK I'M A FREAK?" Connor yelled.

"No," Evan groveled.

"YOU'RE THE FUCKING FREAK!" Connor screamed. And with that he shoved Evan, hard.

Zoe couldn't believe her eyes. Connor had just shoved a helpless, awkward, socially anxious teen who Zoe was pretty sure had a crush on her.

So when Connor stormed off, Zoe crouched down next to Evan.

"Hi," she said. "I'm sorry about my brother, he's a psychopath. Evan, right?"

The boy screwed up his face. "Evan?"

Zoe blinked. "That's your name, right?" Oh God, she hoped it was Evan. If she got his name wrong it would be so embarrassing, and Zoe was already embarrassed enough in front of this kid because of Connor. And what if he told the kids in jazz band? They were the only people besides her best friend Maia who still thought half way decently of her.

Jazz band wasn't a very popular club, because not many people still liked jazz. Like in that movie _La La Land_. It was her favorite. She loved every part of it. Sebastian and his jazz, the way it doesn't end with "true love" and it shows that good relationships can still end and exes can be friends. And she loved the music. Her favorite two songs were "A Lovely Night" and "Audition (The Fools Who Dream)". Ben Pasek and Justin Paul, the songwriting duo, she loved them. They were amazing.

So when Maybe-Maybe-Not-Evan responded she was relieved. "Yeah it's Evan. Sorry."

Zoe raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Why are you sorry?"

"Well, you said my name and I repeated it and it's so annoying when people do that and I'm doing it again I'm so sorry," Evan stumbled.

Zoe laughed a little bit. Not _at_ Evan, but _with_ Evan. "You're weird," she said fondly.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Zoe grinned. "Ok, bye…"

"You don't want to sign my—"

"What?"

"What? I didn't say anything. You were saying something."

Zoe frowned. "No, I said bye and you said…"

"No. Me? No. No way. Jose."

Zoe blinked. "Um…okay. Jose."

And she turned and power-walked away.


	2. Chapter 2: Believing that we Belong

Zoe wouldn't say she was a _snitch_ , exactly, but she knew when she told on Connor that she wasn't exactly _not_ a snitch either. She knew 'telling on people isn't right' or whatever people told themselves nowadays, but with assholes like Connor you can't _not_ tell on them if you want the problem to be resolved.

She didn't _always_ tell on him, though. Like when she found his weed, she would get rid of it but she wouldn't tell her parents. Larry would send him off to rehab or whatever and Cynthia would get depressed and think it was her fault. So they all pretended Connor _didn't_ do drugs and everyone was happy. Well, really, nobody was happy, but everyone pretended they were anyway.

Except Zoe.

Zoe had never been great at lying or pretending. She was an okay actor because she sang a bit, but mostly she played jazz music and let someone else do the singing.

So she spoke her mind. She voiced her depression, but Connor always came first. Cynthia and Larry were too busy with Connor to pay any attention to her. Even though she was supposed to be the "good" daughter.

* * *

Zoe was opening her locker to take out her backpack when Evan Hansen walked by. He looked distraught and upset, a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"Evan!" Zoe called out. Evan spun around to see her, and his eyes briefly lit up until they dimmed back down again. She noticed _CONNOR_ scrawled across his cast in big letters.

"So, I guess he told you, huh," Evan sniffed.

Zoe blinked. "What?"

Evan sighed. "Connor told you about the letter then, right?"

Zoe frowned. "What letter?"

"The letter I wrote to myself!" Evan was getting frustrated now. "The letter I wrote to myself that Connor took from me!"

Then Evan's eyes widened as he realized Zoe had no idea what he was talking about.

"Oh, shit," Evan muttered, scratching the back of his neck and deliberately avoiding eye contact. "Shit, I probably seem like such a loser right now…"

"Connor took a letter from you? You wrote a letter to yourself? Why would I be mad at you if I read it?" Zoe was stumbling to make sense of everything Evan had said.

Evan sighed, obviously trying to decide whether or not to tell her. He eventually took a deep breath and pieced together a shortened version of what happened. "So, um, I don't know if you, like, know this, but I've got anxiety and my mom makes me see this therapist called Dr. Sherman. Well I don't know if she's a therapist or psychiatrist or what because she also prescribes my medication…anyway she asks me to write these letters to myself, like, um, _Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why_. So I write these bullshit letters about me getting better…you know why the fuck am I even talking to you about this? No offence, um, I guess I mean this is really personal and you're the person I'm worried about knowing this but I wrote a letter and Connor took it and I haven't seen him since and I think he might have cut class I'm not entirely sure but I think he might've. I don't share too many classes with him, I'm just in his English and chemistry class. Sorry, I'm suck a freak or loser or whatever you want to call me whatever just. Um. Sorry."

And Evan turned and ran as far away as he could from Zoe.

* * *

When Zoe got home, she furiously slammed the door. Cynthia was standing inside, working yet waiting for Zoe.

"You're late," she said, obviously disappointed. "Where's Connor?"

Zoe paused. "I don't know. I talked to a boy who'd seen him after lunch and he says Connor might have cut school."

Cynthia bristled. "He's your responsibility, Zoe, I expect better from you."

Zoe laughed. "He's not in all of my classes, Mom, I can check where he is at lunch but if he cuts class, first off, I wouldn't know, and second, I'm not going to cut class for him!"

Cynthia blinked several times in disbelief. "You should. A brother is something you should never take for granted—"

Zoe rolled her eyes as Connor burst in the doorway.

"I'M HOME!" Connor loudly announced to no one in particular.

"Connor," Zoe said calmly, "you are going to give me the letter you took from Evan Hansen right now so I can return it to him _or_ you will bring it to school tomorrow and return it yourself."

Connor snorted. "You know about that? Huh. Well, if you know what he wrote you wouldn't be sticking up for him—"

"What did he write? What's the big deal?" Zoe didn't like how she was invading Evan's privacy but she also was really curious.

"He wrote about you," Connor answered airily. He pulled a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and searched his jeans pockets for his lighter.

"Connor, _what did he write_?"

"It was really dark and sad," Connor said, flicking his lighter. Cynthia didn't even yell at him for smoking inside the house. She just shot him a glance and he stepped near an open window. "About how no one would miss him if he just disappeared and how all his hope was pinned on _you_."

" _Me_?"

"I know, right? Who'd care about you?" Connor bit his cigarette between his teeth and struggled with the lighter.

"No, I mean—Connor, what did he say about me?"

Connor reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed a folded piece of paper. He skimmed it and read through it.

"Dear Evan Hansen," Connor began. "It turns out, this wasn't an amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because…why would it be?

"Oh I know. Because there's Zoe. All my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don't even know and who doesn't know me. But maybe if I did. Maybe if I could just talk to her, then maybe…maybe nothing would be different at all.

"I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was a part of…something. I wish that anything I said…mattered, to anyone. I mean, face it: would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

"Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,

"Me."

There was a long pause before Zoe could collect her thoughts. It sounded like the suicide note Connor had written the first time he tried to kill himself. _Dearest friends and family_ , the note had read. _Oh wait. I have no friends and I hate you guys, so fuck off and meet me in hell. Yours most truly, Connor Angus Murphy_.

The first clear thought in Zoe's reeling mind was _This is my fault_.

The second was _I have to get to Evan_.


	3. Chapter 3: Where You Went Wrong

Zoe ran up into her room after snatching the letter from Connor. She couldn't very well just tell Evan "Hey, I read that really private note that you wrote about me." But she also needed to give it back to him.

She bolted the door and sprawled on her bed. She lay there, pondering everything, staring into the great unknown abyss for ten, twenty minutes. Then Zoe grabbed her phone and dialed her best friend. Maia.

"Maia," Zoe whispered anxiously. "Big problems."

Zoe could hear Maia's bed creak as she got up. "What do you need?"

Zoe explained everything. About Evan, the letter, Connor taking the letter, Evan mentioning her in the letter. "So what do I do?" she asked when she finished.

Maia pondered this. "Maybe you could draft a speech to tell him or an email or something. You know, so you'll know what to say. You have to give it back, though."

"But what if he's angry with me for letting Connor read it?" Zoe asked.

Maia snorted. "Then you find some other crush, Zoe!"

Zoe blushed. Thank God Maia couldn't see her. "He's not my… _crush_ ," Zoe stammered, beet red. That was the problem with Maia. She knew Zoe too well.

"Whatever, girl," Maia laughed. "So go give it to him and if he hates you for it that's his loss. Chop chop."

The line went dead.

Zoe grabbed the keys to her family's Tesla Model S. She didn't know exactly where Evan's house was, or where _Evan_ was currently, so she ended up scrolling through the school's directory. She found his phone number and punched it in then texted him.

 **Zoe.** I got the letter from Connor

 **Zoe.** The one you wrote to yourself

 **Zoe.** Where are you

 **Evan.** My house

 **Zoe.** Ok I'll come over

 **Evan.** Zoe

 **Evan.** Did you read the letter?

 **Zoe.** I'm sorry, Evan

Evan didn't reply after that. It took Zoe about five minutes to get to Evan's house. It was pretty humble compared to the Murphy's' super big house. Evan's house was just two stories. She knocked on the door, but nobody answered, but she wanted to see Evan and needed to get in. She looked under the doormat for a key, but there wasn't one, so she pulled out a quarter and picked the lock. She made a mental note to get a better lock picking mechanism. Maybe one of those lock guns you see on TV.

Zoe quietly stepped into the house. Evan was curled up on the couch with his phone in his hand. The first floor was tiny. There was a bedroom (Evan's mom's?) a living room, a kitchen, and a bathroom. On the second floor was Evan's tiny bedroom. The whole house was painted a ghastly shade of greenish yellow.

"Evan," Zoe whispered.

Evan turned instantly. "Zoe." He swallowed, then looked up at her. "How did you get into my house?"

"I picked the lock," Zoe said sheepishly. She knew this made her a stalker—or, well, sort of—but she needed to get to Evan. Now she was with him she had no idea what to say.

"No way," Evan laughed. "We've got some really strong locks. How?"

"I'm good with locks," Zoe admitted. "I have to constantly break into my own house when Connor locks me out, and I have to constantly break into his room to flush his weed and crack and whatever the hell else he smokes and takes. Once I caught him with heroin."

Evan raised his eyebrows. "So you care enough about me to _break into my house_?"

"You didn't let me in, but I knew you were home," Zoe explained. Then she looked down at her shoes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I just wanted to give you back your letter."

She handed Evan the folded piece of paper. "Shit," Evan grinned. Then it faded. "So you read it?"

"Connor read it out loud to me. He kept subtly hinting at it and stuff. I'm sorry," Zoe said.

"No, no, It's okay," Evan said, rubbing his eyes. "I'm just not quite sure what to make of this. I mean, what do I _say_? You know I have a creepy crush on you and—"

"Look, it's not that creepy and it's okay, Evan," Zoe said softly. "We've all had crushed. When I was in ninth grade, I had this ridiculous crush on this guy in jazz band, Paul Mulligan."

"I know him," Evan nodded.

"Anyway," Zoe continued, "I had a crush on him until I realized he was an asshole."

Evan laughed out loud. "That's not how I expected this story to go. Are you saying you're an asshole?"

Zoe raised her eyebrows. "I can still destroy the letter…"

"No, wait!" Evan begged. "Give it back!"

He wrenched it out of her hand until he realized she had been joking and he blushed. "God. Um. I'm sorry. Um. Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Will your parents be okay with it?" Zoe asked.

Evan shrugged. "My mom is working late and my dad is in Colorado with my stepmom and their kids. Nobody is going to know or care."

Zoe suddenly understood why Evan had invited her: Even for a mega-introvert like Evan, eating dinner alone night after night was lonely and irritating. Zoe could see the fear in Evan's eyes for the first time, seeing how vulnerable he was.

"I'd love to," Zoe whispered.


	4. Chapter 4: You and I For Forever

Evan awkwardly tried to cook something that looked remotely like charred rabbit, but he gave up and just ordered a pizza for them. Zoe laughed a couple times throughout the process and Evan forced her to go to the door so he didn't have to talk to the delivery person.

After he came and they ate dinner, Zoe felt comfortable enough to ask the question she'd been wondering. "Why are you so scared of the delivery man?"

Evan fidgeted nervously. "It's just so awkward."

"More awkward than asking me to do it for you because you're scared of him?" Zoe smirked.

"It's easier talking to you," Evan confessed. "Weirdly, it's also harder."

"Yeah." Zoe took a bit of her pizza. "I mean, the only person I can really talk to is my best friend Maia."

Evan visibly tensed. Zoe wondered what she'd said wrong before she realized she'd implied it was hard to talk to him. She quickly tried to remedy her mistake. "It's just—I don't know you very well, Evan. Don't take offence."

Evan scratched his neck awkwardly. "Oh, no, it's totally fine," he rambled. "I just have never had someone to talk to before. Well, there's Jared—"

"Jared _Kleinman_?" Zoe couldn't believe her ears. Evan's only friend was Jared fucking Kleinman? Jared was mean to everyone. She could only imagine what Jared was like to Evan.

"Well, see, he doesn't like me much," Evan explained quickly, fidgeting with his hands. "See, his mom is a nurse and my mom is a nurse and they worked together and became friends. So my mom talked to me on the phone and his mom heard and said how she had a son, Jared, who was my age. And his parents like me a bit and I have to say that Jared was nice to me or his parents won't pay for his car insurance."

Zoe was stunned. She'd never known that Jared was _that_ much of an asshole. Well, maybe she had, but Evan was so sweet and authentic that she was surprised that Jared—even fucking Jared Kleinman—could be mean to Evan. The only person she expected to be mean to him was Connor. And that was because Connor was an asshole. The biggest fucking asshole Zoe had ever known.

"So, um. How are you doing?" Evan asked.

"I'm doing okay," Zoe answered. "A little surprised, though, because you don't seem to be mad at me for breaking into your house."

Evan dismissed this with a wave. "You didn't break anything. It's fine, Zoe." In an attempt to change the subject, he asked "How's jazz band going?"

"Fine, but why—Evan, how do you know I do jazz band?"

Evan looked uncomfortable. "Last year, I saw you, and you were great, and I was going to introduce myself but my hands. Um. My hands were too sweaty."

Zoe smirked, trying to contain a laugh. Then she stood up. "Do you want to watch a movie or play a game?"

"For my last birthday, my dad sent me a Nintendo Switch," Evan said. "We could play Mario Kart 8 Deluxe or something."

"Cool," Zoe nodded. She ended up choosing Zelda as her character. Evan chose Link. He beat her the first round, but by the second and third Zoe was destroying him every single time. Eventually they decided to watch _The Hunger Games_ because Evan hadn't seen it. He closed his eyes at the bloody bits and at some point during the end he fell asleep. He wasn't used to staying up, then.

Zoe ended up slipping a pillow under Evan's head in her place. Her mom would kill her for being late, but she didn't care.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **Sorry this chapter was so short. I promise the next one will make up for it. Really sorry.**

 **Also, if you'd like to see anything new happen or something, just ask. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5: Each Day's Another Fight

Zoe quietly stepped back inside the house, hoping everyone would be asleep, but Connor was talking to Cynthia and Larry in the living room.

As soon as she stepped inside, Cynthia stood up angrily.

"You, young lady, broke your curfew," she said furiously, as if no teenager had ever done that before. Zoe checked her phone. It was 11:23 PM.

Zoe raised her eyebrows. "I don't _have_ a curfew, Mom."

Cynthia bristled. "What do you mean, you _don't have a curfew_?"

"I mean," Zoe explained, "that you never sat down with me and said 'Zoe, I'm giving you a curfew'. You never said 'Zoe, be home by eleven or twelve'."

Cynthia flushed bright red. "I was busy!"

"You don't have a job!" Zoe said, exasperated. "You're a stay-at-home mom and you don't even have time for me. I take care of Connor but you _still_ only have time for him. Mom, you can't yell at me for breaking curfew if you never _gave_ me a curfew to begin with!"

Cynthia looked furious. "I'll have you know, your curfew is whenever Connor's home. And you shouldn't talk back to me, young lady. Go to your room. And you're grounded for a week."

Zoe sighed but did manage to trudge up the stairs. She knew even though her mom said to go to her room, she was supposed to go to Connor's to do his homework and flush his drugs. But she didn't. She went to her room. She grabbed out her phone and searched Evan's Instagram.

Unsurprisingly, Evan had no followers. He also didn't follow anyone except Jared and her. So she found his phone number and put it into her phone.

 **Zoe** Hey

 **Zoe** It's Zoe

 **Evan** No I know

 **Zoe** You know?

 **Evan** I know your number, Zoe

 **Zoe** (Pretending that's not weird) Ok so I'm grounded. I'll see you at school

 **Evan** Bye

Zoe whipped her head angrily when she saw the door open. But it was Larry. He sat down.

"Hey," he said. "I know it's hard for you. What with Connor and all. I just want to say that I'm adjusting your curfew."

Zoe raised her eyebrows and Larry continued. "Um. So you need to be home by 11:30. And you don't need to be grounded."

Zoe shrugged. Larry pursed his lips. "Well, I'm just going to. Um. Go."

* * *

Zoe could hear a loud family discussion downstairs.

"Anyway," Connor was saying, "I heard Zoe was late because she was hanging out with this _freak_ Evan Hansen. He laughed at me once."

"That's terrible, Connor!" Cynthia looked appalled. "This Evan kid better watch his back. Good thing Zoe's grounded now."

"Yeah," Connor agreed. "You should forbid Zoe from dating him. Well, anyway, this dickhead Jared called me a school shooter again…"

All Zoe could think was _Freak, freak, freak_. Man, Connor was one to talk about being a freak. Well, fuck him. _Fuck him_.

Zoe quietly opened the door to Connor's room. She did her normal chores, like cleaning it up, and flushing his weed and crack and doing his homework. Then she got shaving cream from Larry's bathroom.

She threw his covers off and lined the entire lower side of his bed with it. Then she put the covers back on.

 _Fuck you, Connor_ , Zoe thought mischievously. _Try talking yourself out of this one_.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I swear these will get longer but right now I can't figure out a way to extend it. Don't worry, I'll keep updating regularly.**


	6. Chapter 6: Don't Say It Wasn't True

"ZOE!" Connor screamed. "ZOE!"

Zoe opened the door to Connor's room. Connor was standing in his boxers with shaving cream covering his legs. Connor seemed slightly calmer than she expected.

"Zoe, you _bitch_ , why did you do this?" Connor asked calmly.

Zoe put on her best innocent face. "What? Me? I didn't do it. Maybe Santa Claus did."

"Hardy har _har_ ," Connor said acidly. "I'll ask one more time, bitch. Why did you do this?"

"Because you called Evan a freak," Zoe said bitterly. "Because you said I shouldn't be able to date him. Because you told Mom and Dad that I _wanted_ to date him."

"And you don't?" Connor was clearly unconvinced.

"Not currently, no!" Zoe was incredulous. "We're even, Connor. Scratch that. We're nowhere near even. One prank doesn't make up for these years of torture, Connor."

"You're the worst sister anyone could ever have."

Zoe was so stunned she laughed out loud. _He's one to talk about that_ , she thought bitterly. "And you're the worst brother anyone could ever have, so we're even."

Connor swung around. He didn't look nearly as intimidating as usual, clothed only in boxers and shaving cream, but he was still scary. "And what did you do with my drugs?"

"Flushed them," Zoe said.

"I'll tell Mom and Dad!"

Zoe laughed, this time with all realness. "Tell them _what_? Zoe got rid of my illegal drugs, Mommy! Even though you ask her to!"

Connor shot a piercing look at her. "Mom says you _have_ to flush my drugs?"

"Yes!" Zoe exclaimed. "Yes, Connor! Why would I do it if I didn't have to?"

"Because I'm your brother and you care about me!"

"Keep telling yourself that," Zoe said sarcastically.

Without warning, Connor turned and slapped her hard across the face, then grabbed her shirt and flung her against the wall.

Connor had never hit her before. No one had. She could see a glimmer of regret in his eyes but it wasn't nearly good enough for her. His posture still betrayed bloody murder.

"Zoe, you bitch, it wasn't that hard," Connor said sarcastically. But the large red mark on her cheek and aching shoulder contradicted him. "Zoe, come on, you know it wasn't bad. You know you deserved it."

But Connor wasn't trying to convince her, he was trying to convince himself. Zoe wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Zoe ran out the door, past the living room, and out the front door. Larry looked concerned but said nothing. Cynthia's eyes narrowed but Zoe didn't stay to do anything other than grab the car keys.

She honestly didn't know what she was going to do. She drove to the gas station for no particular reason other than habit, and bought a Milky Way and some Pringles.

Then she drove to the only other place in the world she felt even a tiny bit comfortable in.

Evan's house.

 **Author's Note:**

 **I promise these _will_ get longer. Trust me but I've been having some trouble with lengthening these. Next chapter out soon! Also, reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	7. Chapter 7: Subtle and Perfect and Real

Zoe knocked on Evan's door while fumbling in her pocket for some loose change in case he wasn't opening it fast enough, but he did.

Evan rubbed his eyes, looking sleepy, but saw her face and his jaw dropped open.

"Zoe!" Evan whispered. "What happened?"

"Connor," Zoe answered bitterly, shutting the door behind her.

"Zoe," Evan murmured, leading her inside onto the couch, next to him. "Zoe, tell me what happened."

Zoe couldn't. She was so used to having some sort of guard up, keeping the sensitive, normal teenager side of her locked up tight. She _wasn't_ a normal teenager, no matter how hard she tried. Evan was the only one besides Maia she was decently comfortable with, and Connor was constantly ruining her life, and her parents really didn't give a shit.

So she just said "Connor's an asshole. Hardly earth-shattering news."

Evan seemed to understand and nodded. "Um. So. I sort of have an idea but it's probably terrible and you'd probably hate it."

Zoe shrugged. "What is it?"

"Okay, so I don't remember all of the words so I'll have to make some stuff up, but…" Evan opened his mouth to sing.

 _The river she is flowing_

 _Flowing and growing_

 _The river she is flowing_

 _Down to the sea_

 _Mother carry me_

 _Your child I will always be_

 _Mother carry me_

 _Down to the sea_

 _The wind he is blowing_

 _Blowing and rolling_

 _The wind he is blowing_

 _Down through the trees_

 _Father carry me_

 _Your child I will always be_

 _Father carry me_

 _Down through the trees_

 _The earth she is changing_

 _Changing and moving_

 _The earth she is changing_

 _All through the years_

 _Mother carry me_

 _Your child I will always be_

 _Mother carry me_

 _All through the years_

 _The fire he is burning_

 _Burning and forging_

 _The fire he is burning_

 _Ashes to dust_

 _Father carry me_

 _Your child I will always be_

 _Father carry me_

 _Ashes to dust_

Evan stopped. "I don't know the words anymore, and there are like a million different versions, but my mom once took me to Yosemite in California. It was so beautiful. She taught me that song, and my dad played guitar. He was really good."

"That's a great song," Zoe murmured. "You're a good singer."

Evan blushed. "It comes from my mom. She used to be in choir when she was a kid. She actually once got a gig singing at a bar but she had to quit when I was born."

They were silent for a bit. Zoe felt a tear trickling down her cheek. Evan noticed and shifted his body.

"Zoe, what happened? I mean, I understand if you don't feel comfortable sharing but I can't really help if you don't tell me…"

Before she could stop herself, she started to tell him. "Connor was insulting you in front of my parents and my mom had grounded me earlier and so I played a prank on Connor. I filled his bed up with shaving cream. He found out and we argued and yelled at each other and he hit me and shoved me. Then I grabbed the car keys, left, and came here."

Evan looked outraged. "Jesus Christ! I'd kill him, but I'm actually really scared of him…I mean, I'll kill him! Totally!"

Despite herself, Zoe couldn't help laughing at that.

Evan gulped. "I'm not worth that, though."

Zoe shrugged sleepily. "I think you are."

Evan's eyes widened and Zoe rested her head on his shoulder.

"Can you sing a bit again? Please? Just the last verse," she added. She felt so much younger than sixteen, for once in her life. She was always striving to be older. But for once she felt she could catch up and live her life, even if only for a bit.

Evan sang again.

" _The fire he is burning,_

 _Burning and forging_

 _The fire he is burning_

 _Ashes to dust_

 _Father carry me_

 _Your child I will always be_

 _Father carry me_

 _Ashes to dust."_

Zoe noticed a tear rolling down Evan's cheek.

"Evan?" she asked.

"It's just…it reminds me of my dad," Evan admitted.

"What's wrong with your dad?"

"He left when I was seven. He was abusive to my mother when they were still married. But I _still_ feel like that boy who idolizes his dad. I know he was a terrible person. I just can't help it," Evan admitted.

"And Evan?" Zoe said.

"Hm?"

"You're totally worth it," she said.

Without warning, she kissed him.

He looked surprised but didn't object. They kissed for another couple seconds before Zoe broke away.

"I need to sleep," she explained.

Evan nodded thoughtfully. "Do you want to sleep on the couch? Or…"

" _Evan_ ," Zoe laughed, playfully.

"Ok," he laughed back. "Just asking…"

* * *

Zoe left Evan's house at about eight. Evan said he could walk (He didn't have a driver's license. Something about slamming on the brake too much). Zoe almost wished she hadn't kissed him. HE was sweet, yeah, and it felt like she'd known him forever, but she'd met him about twenty-four hours before now. She could trust him, but why did she know she could?

Cynthia called Zoe again. Finally Zoe picked up.

"What?" Zoe asked acidly.

Cynthia sounded angry. "What the hell were you doing, running away like that? You know we need you!"

"I was leaving Connor, Mom. Are you seriously telling me Connor didn't tell you what happened yet?"

"Are you talking about the shaving cream or him hitting you?" Cynthia asked, annoyed.

"You know?"

"Yes!"

Zoe was annoyed at her mother not making a bigger deal out of Connor hitting her. "Goodbye, Mom, I'm hanging up now."

"Zoe! Don't you dare hang up on—" CLICK.


	8. Chapter 8: Flicker Out

Zoe managed to avoid Connor until lunch. She sat with some jazz band kids: Greg, Pam, Fred, Eli, and Maia. But Connor tapped her on the shoulder and asked her to step out into the hallway.

"Listen, Zoe, I just wanted to say _sorry_ or whatever the hell else you want me to say," Connor explained disinterestedly.

"Fuck off, Connor," Zoe spat.

Connor shrugged and pulled out a cigarette.

"Weed or tobacco?" Zoe asked, utterly disgusted.

"Weed," Connor said. "Tobacco just doesn't cut it these days…"

Zoe was frankly quite surprised that nobody had called Connor out for smoking at school. Then again, it wasn't exactly uncommon.

"Just do us all a favor and cut class if you're gonna smoke, Connor," Zoe called after him. She could see Connor shaking his head with indifference.

* * *

Zoe debated about what to tell Evan all day. She liked him a lot, but she knew she'd catch hell for it if Connor or Cynthia found out. She eventually decided what the hell and called him.

"Zoe?" his voice asked.

"Yeah, Ev, it's me," Zoe answered.

"Ev?"

"Get used to it," Zoe laughed.

"So do I get to call you Zo?" Evan joked.

"You know what? Sure." Zoe smiled. "Sure, Ev, sure."

"So. About the kiss—"

"Yeah, Ev, I thought about it too," Zoe confessed. "And you're a really sweet kid, Evan, but I've only known you a day."

There was a pause on the other end.

"Sure," Evan finally said. "I understand. But. Just maybe…"

"Evan. Listen. I really like you, okay? I like you a lot and I just don't want to mess everything up. So. I don't know if we should, um, you know, date or whatever, I just want to take things slowly for a bit until we can figure everything out."

"That sound cool," Evan confirmed. "But I've never had a relationship before, so…"

"Guess what, Evan. Neither have I."

Evan laughed. "Really? I think, if you weren't Connor's sister…"

Zoe cut him off harshly. "Look, if this is going to be a…relationship, I don't want it to be about Connor. I just—I want you."

Evan laughed. "Nobody's ever said that before. To me, at least. I was at Jared's party and some people got bored and drunk, and—"

"You know what, Evan? I really _don't_ need to know," Zoe laughed.

"Okay," Evan shrugged. Then he paused. "Do you want to come over later?"

"Taking it slow, Ev," Zoe reminded him.

Evan laughed again. "Do you want to come over later?"

Evan's laugh was contagious, so Zoe laughed too. "Sure, Ev."

"See you," Evan said comfortably. _Comfortably_. Evan Hansen was _comfortable_.

* * *

Zoe arrived home a minute before her curfew just to piss her mom off, but not to jeopardize her current semi-understanding with her dad.

" _Zoe_!" Cynthia shouted. "Zoe! What did I tell you about following Connor?"

"Bullshit," Zoe answered.

"I did tell you things!"

"I know, but the stuff you told me was bullshit."

"Don't say that word! I don't want you to be a bad influence."

"On who?" Zoe scoffed.

Cynthia blinked incredulously. "Connor!"

Zoe laughed harshly. "Mom, he smokes weed, crack, and tobacco, and I caught him doing heroin once. I don't think _I'm_ going to be a bad influence on _him_ by saying a _bad word_. Not to mention he's older."

Cynthia sounded extremely annoyed. "Zoe, Connor has had a hard time after you left. Can you at least _try_ to be understanding?"

"Sure," Zoe said, rolling her eyes as she plopped her backpack on one of the hooks. "Sure, Mom."

Cynthia stormed into the kitchen, and Zoe went up to her room.

* * *

About an hour later, there was a knock at her door. It was exactly who she expected: Larry.

"Hi, Dad," Zoe said.

"Zoe," her dad acknowledged. He walked in and closed the door. It caught on one of Zoe's band albums, an old _Hamilton_ cast album. She had five, but she was pissed nonetheless. So Larry awkwardly relocated the album and sat in her desk chair. Zoe sat in her comfy chair.

"Look, Zoe," Larry began, "I know I said you don't exactly have to listen to your mother about Connor but you have no idea how upset Connor got after he hit you."

Zoe snorted. "What the hell was he upset about?"

Larry coughed awkwardly into his hand. "I don't—I don't know, Zoe, but it's been tearing him apart from the inside. Just. Think about it?" he asked hopefully. Zoe shrugged, then nodded.

* * *

Zoe was going through her daily routine. Put on your pajamas, brush your teeth. But when she tried to open the bathroom door, it wouldn't budge. Locked. Again. Connor was probably doing heroin or cocaine or whatever shit you do these days…

Zoe jiggled the door, then grabbed her new lock gun (she picked one up after lunch). She busted open the door, then cried out in surprise and terror.

Connor was lying on the cold, hard floor, pale, with his mouth opened and a near-empty bottle of pills in his hand.

* * *

 **Hey, y'all, sorry about the lack of updating. Severe writer's block. Just leave reviews if you like it or want to see anything in particular.**

 **Sincerely, Me (Hoverboard33219)**


	9. Chapter 9: Come and Go

Zoe was sitting in the hospital waiting room. There was mostly little kid, like an energetic set of twins who couldn't stop moving. She'd visited Connor, who'd looked pathetic. She had her phone out, considering calling Evan. It seemed like a betrayal to the hospitalized boy she called her brother. But, she reasoned, it really _was_ Connor's fault, not Evan's. Evan didn't tell Connor to kill himself.

"Hey," Evan said perkily as he answered the phone. "Um. What's up?"

"Connor's in the hospital," Zoe explained. "Drug overdose."

Evan was silent for a moment. "What would you like me to do? Or say?"

"I just want someone to talk to, Ev."

"Okay," Evan smiled.

* * *

Connor had gone home. He was safe, and OK in general. Still weak, but out of danger. He then called a family meeting. He was sitting down on the couch, his face somewhat strained.

"Hey," he muttered, his voice low. His hair fell in front of his face, his black hoodie, which usually hugged his biceps was clinging loosely to his now skinny chest.

"So, um, Zoe," Connor murmured. "I'm really sorry about what happened, okay. So Cynthia and me decided that I should, um, go to, you know, a reform school for the rest of my senior year."

Zoe was surprised. Not surprised. Full out blindsided.

"Really?" she asked.

Connor nodded gravely. "Yeah. I just want to say, again, I'm so sorry—"

"I won't pretend it's fine, Connor, because it's not. But maybe—" Zoe paused, thinking, "—maybe we can move on."

Connor grinned gratefully. "Thanks, Zoe."

* * *

At school, Zoe was called to the principal's office. Howard asked her in, then grinned at her.

"Zoe, let's just cut right to the chase, okay?" At Zoe's nod, he grinned wider. "Zoe, we were wondering if you wanted to graduate early."

Zoe gaped. "You mean, become a senior now or graduate as a senior at the end of the year, or graduate now?"

"The second one," Howard laughed. "Anyway, yeah! Do you want to?"

Evan. She would graduate with Evan. If she said yes. But also it might seem like she dropped out of high school. But she found herself answering.

"Yes."

* * *

 **Hey guys, I know I keep promising I'll make things longer but it'll happen soon. Please trust me. Also sorry this one's so short but most of the stuff I'd written for this chapter got deleted and I was too lazy to write it again. Also I'm skipping ahead to college next? That ok? Just skipping about eight months.**


	10. Chapter 10: And You'll Rise Again

Zoe's flash new car, that she'd gotten for her eighteenth birthday, a Tesla Model S, was cruising down the highway. Evan _still_ hadn't passed his driver's test, he kept snapping off the brakes. So Zoe drove them.

They'd been driving for five days. They were going to California, where Zoe would study to be a lawyer and Evan would study history and botany to become a park ranger.

"Evan, where do you see yourself in five years?" Zoe asked. They'd been doing these funny icebreaker questions Zoe had found online for the past hour.

Evan shrugged, a slight grin on his face. "Married, maybe? A kid? I don't know, a national park ranger? A dog or cat, definitely."

"I like dogs," Zoe grinned.

"We should get a dog," Evan suggested.

"Maybe we should," Zoe smirked.

"Do you want kids? Ever?" Evan asked, the question sliding off in a neutral tone.

"Maybe," Zoe shrugged. "I don't know."

"I'd rather have a dog," Evan said.

* * *

Evan's dorm room had three other guys. And when he opened the door, he heard a loud _pop_ that sent him diving under a bed. He had the wind knocked out of him, and for those of you who don't know, it _hurts_. Then a face with a silly expression chiseled onto it popped under the bed.

"Hey!" the boy said ridiculously. "What's up?"

Evan gasped, trying to catch his breath. "Who-who did that?"

"I did," the boy laughed.

"Why?"

"We're at war with the dorm room down the hall, Room 071."

"So you try to kill me?"

"No, silly!" The boy giggled as if _Evan_ was the silly one. "I thought you were a 71er."

"71ers?"

"Like the 49ers football team," the boy explained. He then stuck a hand out. "My name is Grayson. What's yours?"

"Evan," Evan muttered.

"Cool," Grayson nodded. He pulled Evan up onto the bed. "Evan, that's Jake and the kid at the desk is Alexander."

Evan winced a bit. He couldn't tell if this was good or bad.

"Anyway," Grayson continued, (and Evan was under the impression Grayson talked a _lot_ ), "you're the new boy, Hansen?"

"Yes, that's me, Evan Hansen," Evan muttered shyly.

"Good for you, Hansen," Jake called.

* * *

Zoe, meanwhile, had gotten a text from Connor. It was a photo of him in a line with other boys. His hair was short but not shaved, and he wore a uniform. He looked somewhat miserable, but the caption was _Graduation day!_

She'd rented an apartment for her and Evan and they'd move in around Halloween, so she went out to the courtyard outside Evan's dorm building. When he came out, he was in the middle of a group of seven boys, all listening intently to some story he was telling.

"…and giant sequoia trees have bark that's three _feet_ thick!" Evan finished. A tall, lean boy with reddish, messy hair clapped, while most of the others laughed or smiled. When he saw her, he called out, "Zoe!" At some confused looks from the boys, Evan explained, "My girlfriend." Most of the boys were amazed, with wide eyes.

"Hey, Ev," Zoe shrugged. "Who are all of those people?"

"Those three are my roommates, Grayson—" he pointed to the redhead "—Alexander, and Jake. That's Cayden, that's George, and I have no idea who that is."

"Ben," the last boy said self-consciously.

Zoe grabbed Evan's hand and dragged him away from the group. "You have friends," Zoe observed.

"Yeah!" Evan exclaimed excitedly. "They're _awesome_. So cool. Grayson's weird though."

"So, Evan," Zoe said awkwardly. "Connor's coming here for college. Well. He's thinking about it, he got accepted into UCLA. What would you think of that?"

"Can I have a dog?"

"Sure, Ev."

"Then _sure, Zo_."

* * *

Evan was doing his homework, studying for a big history test, when Alexander sent him a text.

 **Jake** Hey you busy?

 **Jake** I need some help

 **Evan** Sort of

 **Jake** Oh sorry

 **Evan** No, no, what is it?

 **Evan** I can take a break

 **Jake** Evan I need you to help me set up Alexander on a blind date

 **Jake** There's this boy I think he'd really like, his name is Joshua

 **Jake** Can you help?

 **Evan** Sorry, but is Alexander gay?

 **Evan** I mean, I don't have anything against that I just didn't know

 **Jake** No, Hansen, we're just setting a straight, nerdy boy on a date with a cute, gay guy

 **Jake** Yes he's gay. Can you talk to Joshua? Joshua Prince. Tell him to go to Kirk's Steakburgers, Town and Country Village, 7 pm. Joshua's in room 62

 **Evan** Ok sure I'll tell him

Evan rubbed his temple. Even if he was more confident than he'd been in high school, he didn't know Joshua Prince. He didn't really know Jake or Alexander. What if they were setting him up to be humiliated?

Still, he went to Room 062 to find an open door and quiet radio music. Cayden, the brown-haired boy who Evan had been talking to, was on one of the beds. Ben, the really quiet black-haired kid was working quietly on his homework and test preparation guides and lecture notes, and a handsome boy with chiseled cheekbones who Evan assumed was Joshua was combing his hair in a mirror.

"Hey, are you Joshua?" Evan asked politely.

"Yeah," Joshua said.

"So, um, I think this guy called Jake is setting you up on a blind date, right? I mean, you know?"

"'Course," Joshua nodded as he continued combing his wet, slick hair. He then began shaving, with such skill and precision that Evan could tell he'd been shaving since he was thirteen or so.

"So, um, Kirk's Steakburgers in Town and Country Village at seven," Evan said.

"Cool," Joshua nodded, finishing shaving. He took off his shirt, and Evan found himself staring as he applied deodorant and changed his jeans to khakis. He then grabbed a pressed, tight black polo shirt and slid it over his head with relative ease. Evan blinked quickly, then turned away as not to be caught watching. "Thanks, kid."

Evan nodded, said a quick hi to Cayden and Ben, and left, processing all the thoughts that had surfaced. Strangely enough, the first thing he thought was, _I wonder when me and Zoe can get a dog_.

As if right on cue, there was a text from Zoe.

 **Zoe** I'm over looking at some local dog breeders

 **Zoe** Met a great breeder and vet

 **Zoe** Sorry, I don't know if you were serious about the whole dog thing

* * *

Zoe was at the house of a breeder who worked with Dalmatians. She'd always loved that movie, _101 Dalmatians_ , and loved to hate Cruella De Vil. She loved the play on words, Cruel Devil. Cruella De Vil. She also loved dogs.

So she played with the puppies until a text from Evan came back.

 **Evan** Deadly serious and if you really like one dog you can go ahead and get it I trust you

But still, Zoe couldn't bring herself to buy a puppy without first checking with Evan, so she called him and asked him to come over. There was one dog she loved, Harry, and Evan agreed, so they scheduled an appointment to come back and buy him in a week.

"I'm so excited," Evan said.

"Me too," Zoe agreed.

And then a text from Connor came. Oddly enough, she hadn't changed his profile name yet to something other than Connor The Devil. So she promised herself she'd change it before they bought the puppy.

 **Connor (The Devil)** Zoe, we need to talk

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Hey guys, thanks for bearing with me. This is my longest chapter yet, sorry for editing out the part with Evan and Joshua. Or at least this part. Anyway, thanks! Reviews are appreciated! (PS I'm editing out the Evan and Joshua part)**


	11. Chapter 11: A Part of This

A week went by. Evan and Zoe went back to the breeder, bought Harry the puppy, and decided to call him Pixel. Pixel was rambunctious, but one of the most beautiful Dalmatians Zoe had ever seen.

She'd, of course, changed Connor's contact name to just be Connor Murphy rather than Connor (The Devil).

Connor called her two days after they brought Pixel home. She'd been really busy with school, and studying, so he left a voicemail. It was muffled for a little bit, but Connor's voice had always been distinct to Zoe.

"Hey, Zoe, so, um, if you and Hansen are still together, can you maybe come to this pizza place in Menlo Park called Amici's, maybe we can double date? I'm, uh, dating this girl from our old school.

"Also, I'm going to college in LA for screenwriting and directing and stuff, I took a job as a junior writer in Hollywood, working on some new sci-fi movie. I'm moving to LA in two weeks, but maybe we'll still get to see each other, hopefully? I mean, if you want. Bye."

Zoe pondered the voicemail as a hyperactive Pixel jumped up on her bed and licked her hand, then began to play with the covers.

Did she want to see Connor again? She didn't know. She hated how he'd redeemed himself by trying to kill himself. She hated that he made her feel responsible for that. But most of all, she hated the fact that he was a lying, manipulating psychopath.

 _What would Evan do?_ Zoe knew she could just call Evan and ask, but she felt a bit embarrassed about the whole thing and wanted to keep it to herself.

After quite a bit of thought, Zoe couldn't shake the truth—she wanted to see Connor, she wanted to not be too far away. She was in USC, the same as Evan, so if Connor went to UCLA they wouldn't be far away.

But she liked California, she knew that. What she didn't know was if she liked the new Connor.

So she texted Connor, agreeing to the double date. She didn't know who this mysterious girl—or boy, but Connor wasn't gay, right?—was, so she was naturally very curious. Who was it? Who didn't _absolutely_ hate Connor who went to her old school? Alana Beck? No, Connor hated Alana. She racked her brain.

But Zoe came up with nothing. She paced around the apartment, thinking. Then she got another text.

 **Maia** Hey, Zo. I got set up with _Connor_ , of all people. Want to double date? Me and Connor, you and Hansen?

 **Zoe** …

Zoe knew she had those dots, but she couldn't help it. She hated them, she thought they were awkward.

But Maia! Her _best_ friend. The person who knew how much she had hated her brother.

 **Zoe** Fine.

Zoe pressed send before she could think about it. Then she texted Evan.

 **Zoe** Hey, Connor asked us to double date with him. Want to?

 **Evan** Sure! Can we do tomorrow? Some friends are trying to set up my roommate Alexander on a blind date and I got the job to tell the date.

 **Zoe** I'll check with Connor.

She did. Of course, Connor agreed, just thankful Zoe was doing it at all.

Then her phone buzzed. The caller ID read **Cynthia Murphy (MOM)**.

"Hey, Zoe," Cynthia said when Zoe picked up.

"What's up, Mom?"

"Have you and Evan had sex?"

Zoe laughed. Her mother could be wonderfully blunt at times.

"Is that a yes?"

Zoe giggled, then spoke clearly into the phone. "No." After a moment, then, "Why are you asking _now_?"

"Because Larry bet me ten dollars that you and Evan have had sex by now."

Zoe began to guffaw. "Are you serious, Mom?"

"Yes."

"Well, I am too. Goodbye."

* * *

Evan, Grayson, Ben, Cayden, and Jake filed into a discreet corner of the restaurant to watch Alexander and Joshua's date.

"Hey, are you Joshua?" Alexander asked shyly as he stood there, a foot from the table. Alexander was wearing a button-down shirt with stylish stripes. Joshua was wearing a black polo shirt and khakis.

"Yeah. Are you Alexander?" At Joshua's response, Alexander sat down comfortably.

"Call me Alex," Alex blushed.

"Let me tell you, Alex, it's so refreshing to meet someone who just…knows who they are and is just _okay_ with that. Refreshing, I tell you," Joshua said, immediately at ease.

"You mean, like, gay and out?" Alex asked cautiously.

"Yeah," Joshua nodded. "I tell you, I _still_ haven't come out to my parents."

"It is hard," Alex shrugged. "And you never know what they'll say."

"Oh, totally," Joshua agreed. "But when your parents are divorced, you can't tell both at the same time, and if you tell one first then the other will be offended. So it's really just a craphole of confusing and weird. Like a lot of things."

"Yeah," Alex grinned innocently.

"So, are you two ready to order?" a waiter asked, swinging by.

Joshua flashed a pearly white smile. "I'm ready. Are you, Alex?" At that, Joshua offered Alex his hand.

Alex took it. "I'm ready, too."

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Thank you all so much for not losing faith with me for not updating! (You haven't, right? Right?) Of course, reviews and favorites, but especially reviews, mean a lot! Thanks!**

Hoverboard33219


	12. Chapter 12: You Do the Hard Thing

Zoe, Evan, Connor, and Maia arrived at the restaurant around 6 PM. Evan wore khakis and a black button-down shirt, Zoe wore a nice dress. Maia wore a fancier dress, slightly overshadowing Zoe, and Connor dressed in dark gray trousers and a light gray shirt.

Connor was a perfect gentleman. He pulled out Maia's seat for her. He introduced her, although of course Zoe already knew her.

"Long time no see, Zoe," Maia smiled warmly.

Zoe couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy at the way Maia was dressed. Maia had always loved the spotlight, and although Evan was loyal to no end, she couldn't shake the feeling he was checking Maia out.

Another thing Zoe hadn't realized was that it would hurt her to see Connor behaving so well. He was an asshole. He had abused her, he'd hurt her to no end. He'd redeemed himself by trying to kill himself, drawing sympathy from everyone and erasing the small amount that existed for her. And now he was on a date with her high school best friend, the girl who knew, above anyone else, how much he'd done, and he was _nice_. _Courteous_. There wasn't a thing he hadn't thought of.

"So what are you doing right now, Connor?" Evan asked politely.

"Well, I actually switched around a lot," Connor said, taking a bite of his salad. "I thought about audio, directing, a lot of stuff. I finally realized I wanted to work on costumes. I met this guy, Theo, who's a writer of this new movie. He got me a job."

"What's the movie?" Zoe asked.

Connor grinned. "It's called _Silent Rain_. Typical sci-fi stuff, but it's cool. I hope you guys come to the premiere."

Then Connor paused. "What about you, Evan? What are you doing?"

Evan hesitated for a moment, then said, "I'm studying to become a park ranger. I want to maybe work, work at Crater Lake National Park. It's in Oregon, so, near home. I'm doing a double major, so, it's a lot of work."

"Double majoring?" Connor looked confused. Zoe just then noticed Maia hadn't talked much.

"Double majoring," Evan clarified, biting nervously at his hamburger. "I'm getting two majors. I'm studying both botany and history."

"Have you thought about Three Sisters Wilderness?" Maia interjected. "It's another national park, also near home. My parents took me there once, it was gorgeous."

"I once went with my whole family—this was when I was seven, so just my mom, dad, and me—and we went to Crater Lake," Evan explained. A mention of his dad sent everyone into brief awkward silence and no further questions about where Evan wanted to work.

"What about you, Zoe?" Connor asked. "I mean, I graduated a month ago, and I still haven't heard a thing about what you're doing."

Zoe hesitated. Connor had never asked how she was before, or what she was doing. She'd never even seen him at one of her concerts. "I'm going to be a lawyer," she said slowly, studying Connor for some sort of reaction.

"Really?" Connor asked. "That's great, Zoe!" Then he paused. "Why?"

"Well, I liked arguing with you and 'presenting' the evidence to Mom and Dad that you were doing pot," Zoe joked. After she said it, she realized it made no sense, but she was proud of it all the same.

"Well," Connor said, "I'm proud of you."

 _You don't get to be proud of me!_ Zoe wanted to scream. This dinner was going to be _much_ harder than she had thought. Why was Connor doing this? Why was he being so nice to Maia? Why was _Maia_ doing this? Betraying her like this?

In the back of her mind, Zoe knew Maia wasn't betraying her. Zoe's response had been cryptic enough to be confusing. _Connor_ was just trying to make everything right. Maybe. Or maybe he was trying to ruin everything again.

Evan seemed to notice Zoe's discomfort. "I'm going to the bathroom," he announced. Zoe laughed silently, realizing what he was doing and how obvious he was. "Would you like to accompany me, Zoe?"

Connor laughed. "Zoe's a _girl_ , Evan. Why do you need her to come with you?"

Evan faltered for a second, and Connor laughed again. "If you need to talk to her, just talk, Hansen," Connor said.

"Zoe, could I _talk_ to you for a moment?" Evan tried.

"Sure, Evan," Zoe said.

As soon as they were out of earshot of the others, Evan looked Zoe in the eye. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Zoe, if you don't want to do this—"

"I want to do this," Zoe said, exasperated. "Evan, I can make my own decisions!"

Evan's face twisted. "I didn't mean—"

Zoe sighed. "I'm sorry, Ev." After hesitating for a moment, she said, "Connor's been acting like a _brother_. And I'm just…not used to that, okay?"

Evan nodded, and they rejoined the others at the table. "So what are you up to, Maia?" Evan asked.

"I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet," Maia admitted. "I'm taking classes at UCLA, but I haven't figured out my major."

Finally some normality. Maia always took forever to make decisions, so it made sense that halfway through the fall semester she had no idea what she would do. That wasn't uncommon, but all the other three kids already knew what they would do.

"Well, what are you thinking?" Zoe asked.

"I thought about becoming a vet," Maia answered, "but I'm terrified of raccoons."

Zoe and Evan both almost laughed out loud. "Maia," Zoe said, trying to keep a straight face, "I don't think people bring raccoons into vet offices very often."

"But do they ever?" Maia persisted.

"I—I don't know," Zoe said. "Ask the vet offices."

"Or you could just work at a vet office that doesn't serve raccoons," Evan suggested. "I mean, some vets don't serve, like, rats. So if they don't serve rats, why would they serve raccoons?"

"Brilliant idea!" From the look on Maia's face, Zoe realized Maia really hadn't thought of that, or asking any raccoons be transferred to a different vet who might happen to be working there. Zoe was reminded of times at school when Maia had done things like this. Maia never really had been the sharpest knife in the drawer. No, the sharpest and deadliest knife had been Connor. Not in terms of intelligence, but just in terms of deadliness.

And so the conversation continued. Connor would make the odd joke, Evan would squirm, and Maia would come to some shocking revelation.

Sometimes it was good to be predictable.

Evan was also enjoying himself, in the company of four friends. He checked his phone and realized it was only seven. And then the text came.

 **Jake** Evan there's an emergency

 **Evan** Shit, what?

 **Jake** We've got a test tomorrow

Although Evan really didn't agree with Jake's definition of "emergency", he was suitably freaked out.

 **Evan** I thought it was on Monday

 **Jake** Not anymore. Can you get your ass down to our room?

 **Evan** Ten minutes

 **Jake** Sounds good

"Sorry guys, but I have to go," was Evan's cryptic explanation for his leaving.

"Well, I'll go too I guess," Zoe said.

"OK," Evan agreed, "but I'm studying with some friends. So you'll not be able to join us."

"Yeah, well," was Zoe's response.

When Evan finally got back, he texted Jake.

 **Evan** I'm here

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated. And if there's anything you'd like to see, just ask! Next chapter should be out within a week or so**


	13. Chapter 13: Prepping For Some Test

By seven twenty, Evan, Alex, Jake, and Grayson were ready to study. Joshua had somehow gotten invited as well. It wasn't like they all didn't love Joshua, but this was more of a roommate study thing. It was a major history test, and, surprisingly, they _all_ had it.

Five textbooks were strewn on the table. Beside the couch, there was Red Bull, Coca-Cola, Sprite, Red Bull, Red Bull, and a _lot more Red Bull_. There was a huge bag of pretzels, some goldfish, and crackers, as well as more Red Bull for good measure.

One laptop (Alex's MacBook Pro) sat, plugged in, on the desk. Several reference sites were loaded on the screen. Each of the boys had a notebook, one black pen, one blue pen, and three mechanical pencils, plus two pink erasers.

All in all, it was a remarkably good setup. The plan was, they'd all take turns reading important info, writing it down, reading a chapter of the textbook, quizzing each other, reading more info, though not necessarily in that order.

"OK, this test is on the Civil War, right?" Grayson asked.

The rest of them looked blankly at Grayson. "Gray," Alex said slowly. "Do you _seriously_ not know what the fucking test is on?"

"The Civil War? The _Revolutionary_ War?" Grayson guessed.

"Even _I_ know what the test is on, and I _just_ got here," Evan giggled.

"Well, _I_ don't," Grayson whined.

"It's on World War Two," Jake said. "We're not going to make any progress, Grayson, if you can't figure out what we're trying to learn."

"Fine," Grayson said. "I'll _try my best_."

"That's all we'll ask," Alex sighed.

After a moment, Joshua spoke up. "Should we start?"

"Oh, yeah," Jake said. "Let's start. OK. Alex, you want to read the study guide?"

After Alex did, they all read from their textbooks, wrote some things down. Then they all closed their notebooks except Alex, who asked, "What was the primary cause of WWII?"

Grayson immediately guessed, "Ares!"

Alex sighed. "Does anybody know what he's talking about?"

Surprisingly, Jake spoke up. "The new _Wonder Woman_ movie. It's set around World War _One_ , but Ares, the Greek god of war, was behind it all."

Alex opened his mouth and then closed it. "Oh."

"If it's not Ares, what was it?" Grayson whined.

"The correct sentence would be _If it wasn't Ares, what was it?_ ," Alex explained.

"Yeah, well, you're a nerd," Grayson retorted lamely.

Joshua put his arm around Alex. "That's one of his best qualities."

"Really, though, what was it?" Grayson asked.

"Japanese militarism and invasions of China in the 1930s. The political takeover in 1933 of Germany by Hitler and his Nazi Party and its aggressive foreign policy starting in 1936, according to Wikipedia, were the primary causes of World War Two," Alex said, staring at the screen. He then turned back to Joshua and stared at him sweetly.

Evan, who hadn't talked this entire time, looked at Joshua and Alex. They were arguably the cutest couple Evan had ever seen, cuter than the stupid head-jock-and-cheerleader-couple that had won _cutest couple_ in high school.

"You eyeing my boyfriend, Hansen?" Joshua asked playfully. Alex blushed at the word _boyfriend_.

"I've got a girlfriend," Evan protested.

"I'm sure you do, Tree Boy," Joshua said.

"No, seriously. Her name, her name is Zoe Murphy, we've been dating for about a year—"

"I don't need your fucking life story, Hansen," Joshua said, grinning. "I was just joking."

Evan's cheeks went red with embarrassment. "Oh. Sorry."

Jake suddenly butted in. Evan realized he'd been texting. "Hey, guys, do we have room for one more guy?"

"Why?" Alex asked.

"Well, my friend is studying botany and history just like Evan, and he wanted to meet Evan, and he's got the same test," Jake explained.

"Nuh-uh," Grayson said, shaking his finger like a two-year-old. "Only roomies allowed."

"Joshua's here," Jake pointed out.

Grayson looked about to argue, but closed his mouth. "OK. What's his name?"

"Camel," Jake answered.

"What the fuck kind of name is _Camel_?" Grayson laughed.

"Well, every day he drinks a bottle of water and he doesn't drink a sip the rest of the day," Jake said.

"Studying the same things I am, huh," Evan thought out loud.

And just on cue, Camel came in.

Camel had short, messy brown hair. His skin was pretty pale, and he wore a gray hoodie with a black T-shirt underneath, blue jeans, and black Converse.

"Hey guys, I'm Camel," Camel said.

"Evan," Evan muttered.

"You're Evan?" Camel clarified. At Evan's nod, Camel extended a hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Evan. You're studying botany and history too?"

"Yeah, I want to become a park ranger. Plus, I like history and botany," Evan explained.

"Holy shit, kid, me too!" Camel looked quite excited. "Where do you want to work?"

"Crater Lake," Evan said.

"Shit, are you _trying_ to copy my life choices?" Camel laughed. "Maybe we'll work together!"

"That'd be fun," Evan admitted. He wasn't used to getting along with people as quickly as he got along with Camel. Jared Kleinman had been his only friend for seven years, and Jared was a dick. "You're from Oregon too?"

"No," Camel said. "I'm from Texas. But my parents don't approve of all of my 'life choices'. Really conservative family, all that, I'm asexual, they don't approve."

"Asexual?" Evan asked. He'd never given orientations and identities much thought—he'd always known he wasn't gay, and he'd always known what LGBT meant, even LGBTQ, but he'd never heard of _asexual_ before.

"Yeah, it means I'm not attracted to girls or guys sexually. Like, I don't want to have sex with anyone. I'm _romantically_ attracted to people, sure, but I wouldn't have sex with anyone," Camel explained.

"And why Crater Lake?"

"Same reason as you, probably. Nostalgia."

Evan chuckled, then realized that they were still in the room with Grayson, Alex, Joshua, and Jake. "Um. Do you want to study with us?"

"That was the point of coming here, yes? Other than to meet you, of course." Camel winked at Evan. He plopped down on the couch right next to him, between Evan and Alex.

"See, I'm not worried about _him_ stealing my boyfriend," Joshua explained.

"But I'm not gay either!" Evan protested again.

"Debatable. Anyway, a pleasure to meet you, Camel." Joshua stuck out a hand. "What's your real name?"

In a perfect imitation of Barney Stinson, Camel waved a hand dismissively and said, "Please."

"Anyway, what have you covered so far?" Camel asked.

"We learned that the primary cause of WWII _wasn't_ Ares," Grayson explained.

"Wasn't _Wonder Woman_ set around World War One?" Camel asked, confused. Evan was just amazed so many people knew what the hell Grayson was talking about.

"Told you," Jake said, elbowing Grayson.

"Anyway, who wants the next question?" Alex asked.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Thanks for reading! Please review/favorite/follow! It means a lot. And any requests for chapters in this story, just ask. I will strongly consider anything. Also: I usually will not make chapter titles so literal, but I thought about it and I wanted to give you guys some time with Evan's actual friends. I know I've been introducing a lot of people very quickly, but I don't intend to introduce more than a couple more important characters.**


End file.
